George, my eldest, is starting school in September. I am not the first mum to go through this, neither will I be the last, but it is the first time for me and I’m struggling. I know all of the cliche stuff; he will thrive, it’ll be nice to have a bit more time to myself, it’ll be good for all of us, bla bla bla. I don’t want my baby to start school! I don’t want to hand him over to someone else to teach him things that I have no control over. I don’t want him to be influenced in a negative way by other children, or for him to be treated in a way that I wouldn’t agree with. That’s life though, right? It’s the first stage of him starting to grow up and learn about the world through his own experiences.

I am realising how much I need to be in control of what my children are exposed to and how difficult it is to trust someone else to do things the same way I would. I’m making this all about me aren’t I? It shouldn’t be about me, it should be about my precious boy and focusing on what is best for him. George is incredibly academic for a four year old and I know that he needs school and that he will love it. He loves to read and learn and interact with other children his own age. He is sociable and energetic and I have seen him get bored lately and need more structure and stimulation in his days. Whenever we talk about school I am super enthusiastic and excited because that’s how I want him to feel. I don’t want to make school negative in any way because I want him to love it and look forward to it. I just can’t shake this uneasy feeling of what it will be like to have a child at full time school.

Maybe I just can’t handle the fact that I have to be more responsible and mature. I have to get him to school on time, making sure he has everything he needs and that he looks smart. I have been thinking about the changes I need to make in order to be a better mum generally, as well as in relation to busy school days.

• I want to get up and ready before the children get up. More often than not, it’s the kids coming in to wake me up in the mornings but I want it to be the other way around.
• I need to be better at preparing a healthy breakfast, rather than just a quick bowl of cereal. It will be important for George to have a good start to the day so that he doesn’t get hungry and that he can concentrate on the things he needs to do. I am not thinking anything extravagant just toast and avacados and eggs, stuff like that.
• I must not be late. I must not be late. I am late pretty much everywhere I go, which I hate and I’m working on it. I cannot have George being the kid that’s always late for school so I need to step up and manage my time so much better.
• No TV in the mornings before school. It’s been a bit of a theme during the holidays for the kids to get the ipad if they wake up early in the morning (I’m ashamed to admit that but it’s true). So I am already phasing that out because I definitely don’t want his school days to start with Octonauts.

I know it is an exciting time, I just don’t really like change. It’s about George though, not me, and I know he is going to love school and I am going to be there cheering him all the way.

Gemma