Today was not a success in the history of my mothering successes. In fact, it’s fair to say that today was pretty much complete failure. It’s easy to write about the good stuff and the happy days but I think it’s important to talk about the difficult things too.

It started off with a lovely treat breakfast in South Kensington before my husband set off for a day of studying. The weather was so beautiful today so I decided to head straight for Hyde Park and take the kids to the playground. My first rookie mistake was that I only brought the single pushchair with me. Of course, neither of them wanted to walk so this was the first screaming session and things just went from bad to worse.

When we finally got to the playground, they had fun on the swings and slide for a bit but the meltdowns just kept coming. I was planning to stay out and make a day of it but they were already both saying they wanted to go home! They don’t make the decisions but in this case I felt like it would be best for us all if we just headed home.

It took a while to find the right bus but once we did it was actually a pretty pleasant journey. For the most part, they were happy enough looking out of the window and pressing the stop button (over and over again).

We got off the bus and made the short walk home. I decided some down time was in order so I put a film on for them while I collapsed with a bowl of cereal in the hallway. By this point, it was only 2pm and still lovely outside so I planned to let them go out on their scooters for a bit after the film. They would be happier and calmer by then, right?

Time to get shoes and coats on and George (aged 4) was protesting quite firmly. He lashed out and threw an umbrella, luckily not hitting anyone in the process. I kept calm and proceeded to get them out of the door thinking that we would talk about it in the open space rather than right then and there.

We scooted to the local park which was uneventful. Once we got there, they headed straight for the swings and I assumed my usual position of double swing pusher. I decided that things were quite calm and I should really address with George what happened before we left. I spoke to him calmly and asked him to think about what happened and if he needed to say anything to me. He said he didn’t. So I told him he would need to think again before he was able to get out of the swing. (Was that the wrong thing to do? I didn’t want to threaten him, just make him have some thinking time.)

He continued to be defiant and took it upon himself to climb out of the swing and fell straight on his head. Well, that was it. I comforted him a lot, obviously, because it looked like it really hurt. He wasn’t just sad though, he was angry. Angry with me for forcing him to get himself out of the swing and causing him to hurt himself. Once again, our park trip came to abrupt end and we headed home.

They both want to stand on their scooters and have me pull them which is fine for Sophie but George is really old enough to just scoot, plus it’s hard to pull them both at the same time.

George screamed the ENTIRE way and so was even more angry once we got through the door. Then things really got bad. I told him to take his shoes off then go to his bedroom for a few minutes to have some quiet thinking time. He didn’t want to do this of course, so I carried him gently upstairs and sat him on his bed.

I got to the bottom of the stairs and the next thing I knew, there was a book flying towards me. I looked up and he was just standing upstairs looking pleased with himself. I tried to talk to him calmly and send him back to his room.

Once I got back downstairs, out he came armed with more book ammunition and started hurling them straight at me. Whatever I said to him, he just wouldn’t stop. His face was so determined to hurt me he just kept on coming. I picked him up to take him back upstairs and then he started punching and pinching me, really hard. I got him back to his room and he shouted, with real venom in his voice, “Mummy I hate you!”

This carried on for what seemed like hours. I actually felt scared. How pathetic does that sound? I literally could not control my own child and it was such a horrible feeling. It stopped, eventually, as these things always do in the end.

I ended up just cuddling him. He didn’t know what he was feeling or why he was feeling it. He doesn’t hate me or want to make me cry. He needed me to hold him in my arms and stroke his hair while he shouted and cried, so that’s what I did. Was there a piece of me that wanted to just not be near him right then? A part of me that felt justified in not being very kind or loving towards him right then? Yes and yes! BUT I’m his mum and those things are not the kind of mum I want to be. Of course, he needs to know that his behaviour is definitely not ok. I made that clear and there was a consequence for his actions. I love him unconditionally and have to show him that, even in these impossible moments. He has to feel safe and secure in my arms. He has to know that I want to help him feel better always, no matter what.

George is a wonderfully kind, considerate, thoughtful, caring, sensitive little boy and I am so proud to be his Mum. Today he pushed me to the limit and I saw a side to him that I haven’t seen before. It wasn’t nice and I hope it doesn’t happen often, but it’s ok.

I’ve signed up to George and Sophie for life, and I’m so happy about it.

 

 

For us stay at home mums, when our husbands have time off work it’s very exciting. I love being at home with my children, but it’s even more fun when daddy’s around.

My husband is amazing. He works full time as well as studying a law degree during evenings and weekends. We are coming up to final exam and dissertation time so things are even more busy than usual. It means I need to be extra supportive and good at being a mother and taking care of stuff at home.

Usually I would be so super excited at the prospect of a four day weekend. We would typically plan loads of family stuff and go out and about, as well as having relaxing mornings in our pjs. I love it when we are all together, it feels like such a treat.

This long weekend will be a little different. My husband has to study so it will pretty much be a normal few days for the kids and I. Sunday will be lovely as we are going to spend time with my brother so I’m very much looking forward to that. Every other day, though, we won’t be having much family fun as a foursome.

I feel ok with this, not thrilled, but ok.

When we decided to go for the law degree, we knew that there would be sacrifices. We knew that things would be tough sometimes but we also knew how worth while it would be in the end. It is such a short time in the grand scheme of things and I am really excited for how this will enhance our future. I feel so lucky to have a husband who is ambitious and hard working.

It’s only a few days, right? I live in London, a city full of adventure and excitement.The kids and I will find fun things to do and I will be reminding myself that we are doing all of this for them.

 

Gemma

George is four years old. He is intelligent, articulate, cheeky, loud, helpful, caring, kind and thoughtful.

George’s quote of the day: ‘Mummy, I would be sad if I wasn’t Sophie’s big brother.’

Sophie is two years old. She is sweet, girlie, loving, feisty, stubborn, considerate, happy, snuggly, independent.

Sophie’s quote of the day: ‘ I love your hair mummy, it’s so pretty’

They are my fiery redheads and I adore them.

Here is our Saturday vlog, say hi to my babies!

 

Gemma

So I’m always looking for stuff to do with the kids and fun places to go. We sometimes end up walking around shops, which is fine, but not always the most fun for the children. I justify it by letting them play in the Lego Shop for a bit and watch the big tvs in the Disney Store. If I’m honest, though, it’s not that much fun for them. We do a lot of exciting, kid centred stuff so sometimes I just like looking around the shops.

The London Designer Outlet is located right next to Wembley Stadium. It has a bunch of great shops and all of them are outlets which means cheap stuff! You will find H and M, GAP, Next, Marks and Spencer, Nike, to name just a few. It also has a wide selection of restaurants, as well as a Cineworld cinema. They also have ice skating set up in the winter which is really magical. Parking is free (on a non Wembley event day) when you spend £30 or more at the outlet, which I generally do…

Here is the best bit, there is a great big outdoor play area for the children. It is covered so even if it rains the kids can still play. It is totally enclosed so the little ones can run around as much as they like and enjoy the playground.
It has all the usual swings and slides, as well as great climbing ladders and rope walks. My kids absolutely love it! You have to walk past it to get to the shops so we generally go there first for a bit then go and have a wander around. The kids know that we can go back to the playground again on the way out too so they look forward to that while we are doing our shopping.

We had such a lovely afternoon there today with a friend. It’s kind of like guilt free retail therapy because you know that your kids get to have fun too!

Have you been to the London Designer Outlet? What did you think? Are there any other favourite places you can share?

Gemma

I’m one of those people that regularly tries dieting and regularly fails. I know that if I eat fairly healthy and exercise regularly then I’ll lose weight. I know that, so why is it so hard?!
My youngest is almost two and a half and yet I’m still almost a stone heavier than I was before I got pregnant with her.
My first was a boy and I was just all bump but my girl was a different story. I’ve got back fat. I never had back fat in my life but there it  is and it won’t shift.
Don’t get me wrong, I know I don’t have big problems but I just want to feel comfortable in my body. I feel like I have to always wear loose tops to hide my belly and I just don’t like that feeling.

A friend of mine started the 5:2 Diet and said it was brilliant so I thought I’d look into it. She told me about a documentary on the bbc all about fasting which I watched and was amazed by. The benefits of fasting are just off the scale. I’m not an expert on the science of it all, but your body has a chance to replenish and repair itself when you fast. It can even improve organ health and reduce the risk of stroke.

I decided I’d give it a try, along with my husband. It’s so nice to be doing it with someone so that you can support each other in fast days.

In a nutshell, you fast for two days a week and eat normally for the other five. I don’t do my fast days consecutively as I think this would be a bit too hard! On a fast day women are allowed 500 calories and men 600, so that makes it a little easier. Some people choose to have low calorie small meals and snacks throughout the day, but I like to save up my calories. I don’t eat anything until tea time when I have a healthy meal of no more than 500 calories.
It’s hard, there’s no doubt about that. As soon as you tell yourself you can’t have something you just want it. I get hungry but I drink lots of water and it’s totally manageable. I am actually really enjoying how it’s making me feel to go without food for a bit and I’m already seeing results.

Here are my goods and bads of the 5:2 Diet

Good:
-It’s only one day so you get through it and know that the next day you can eat normally again.
-When you do start eating again, you are naturally more aware of how many calories you’re eating.
– You feel a real sense of achievement when you complete a fast day.
– It helps with self control so much and has made me re evaluate my relationship with food.
– Multi leveled health benefits.
– You lose weight!!!

Bad:
– You get hungry! That’s about it……

I’m really loving this diet and it’s the first time I’ve ever really stuck to anything like this. It’s not overwhelming, like some diets, and fits in easily with day to day life.

I am starting to exercise more which I know is vital. I want to be healthy and set a good example for my children. I want to be strong and fit for my family, as well as for how it makes me feel.

Have you found a diet that works for you? Do you think diets are worth doing? Are you on the 5:2 Diet? I’d love to hear your stories!

Gemma

So this is going to be a bit cheesy, just a warning.

I have been thinking so much lately about how much of a failure I am as a mother, bla bla bla. As all mothers do, we never feel like we are doing enough. We are messing up our kids in so many ways and the weight of that is too much. We let them down and it’s all our fault.

STOP!

Mothers, you are amazing. I don’t just say that as a throw away comment, you literally are. I’m not even talking about the fact that you made a human, amazing as that is, I’m talking about you as a person. You are so selfless and caring. You would do absolutely anything for your children, no matter what. That unconditional love has such immense power it can really take us by surprise. We never expected quite how much we would love our children, sometimes it takes our breath away. How we feel when we hold them and smell them is what keeps us going through the screaming fits and sleep deprivation.

They learn so much good from us. We teach them how to speak, where to poo, how to pray, how to share, how to be a kind human.

We look at all our mummy friends and think that they have it so together and wonder how they do it. They are so much better then me, their kids are so lucky, they are more beautiful than me (that one just seems to pop up in any situation).
We know this does us no good at all, and yet we keep doing it. We persist in this self harming pattern of telling ourselves that we’re no good.

Sometimes we lose our patience and we feel so awful about it we want to cry. We want to wake up our babies and say sorry and tell them we didn’t mean it and we love them so much. We don’t want them to have memories of us shouting about the smallest things that don’t matter. Little things really don’t matter.

We love our children. They are so blessed to be ours and to be so loved. We are so far from perfect but that’s alright.

We are mothers. We are strong and loving. We can do this. We are doing this.

Gemma

Patience is one of those things I need to work on, perhaps more than anything else. I remember people telling me that once you have children, your patience will be tested like never before. To be honest, I didn’t feel like that when my kids were babies. If they cried, then I couldn’t be impatient with them because they just needed something. If they woke me up ten times a night then I couldn’t blame them at all because they were just tiny babies. I felt tired and weary, that’s for sure, but never impatient.
Now that I have a two and a four year old, however, I’m beginning to understand. My kids are wonderfully intelligent and articulate and I know they always understand when I’m asking them to do something. A simple request like ‘please put your coat on’ can turn into a ten minute battle when we just need to get out of the door. It’s hard. Really hard. It’s hard to keep calm and not get upset with them. Why is it so hard for you to just put your coat on? Why do I need to ask you so many times before you actually do it? It can end up making me feel like I’m just talking to myself and that my children don’t respect me. I sometimes find it hard to still be asking in a kind tone when I’m on ask number six.
In these moments, I have to give myself a good talking to. I have to remind myself how precious these babies are and that they really are just babies, in so many ways. What right do I have to be upset with them over something so trivial?
I find myself justifying how I talk to them by thinking that I do so many things for them, why can’t they just listen? When I ponder on this thought, however, I realise how utterly ridiculous it is. I am their mother. I chose to have them and everything else that goes along with that. I am their everything, I do everything for them. Whatever they need or want, it’s me that they come to. What a privilege that is!

I want so much to be more patient. I want to be more care free and easy going. I want to speak kindly always to my children, without excuses.
I’m so far from being good in this area but at least I’m aware of it and I can work on it every day.

Happy mothers day.

Gemma

On Sunday my husband and I returned home from a week in the USA. Thanks to the most amazing inlaws ever, we were able to leave our children with them and have a special trip together.
I was SUPER anxious about leaving the kids. Not because I was worried at all about how they would be looked after, Grandma and Grandad are the best, but because I have simply never been away from them for so long. I kept having these terrifying thoughts of something happening to David and I which would mean my kids were orphans. I kept thinking that they would think I didn’t care about them and that I just gayly went on holiday and abandoned them. So many crazy things going through my mind made it hard to leave them.

Our first stop was Chicago to visit my sister in law and her family. Her and her husband have five children, Charlotte who is almost 5 and 10 month old quads. Yes that’s right, quads! We hadn’t even met the babies before this trip and I can’t tell you how wonderful it was to spend so much time with them. There are three boys and one girl and they are honestly the best behaved babies I’ve ever known. They are so happy and friendly, I love them. Loving on these babies definitely helped me with pining for my own kids.
Chicago was cold but so fun and different to home. We went around the city for a day and saw the sights just the two of us. It’s such a wonderful treat to be able to have a cosy hot chocolate in a cafe with a book and just relax the time away. We were busy a lot but it’s never the same sort of busyness as when you are with your own children.
I loved spending this time with family and I miss them a lot already, it was hard to leave.
Next we went to New York City for the last two nights. We got an incredible deal on an amazing hotel and it really felt like a luxurious few days. We were also able to spend time with my good friend who moved to the city earlier this year. It was such therapy to see her and her family and renew our friendship again.
It was our first time in NYC and we totally loved it.
As we live in the city, it felt easy and normal to travel through tonnes of people and crowded restaurants. We had some amazing food ( ‘Jacobs Pickles’ for breakfast, ‘Burger Joint’ for burgers, ‘Patsy’s’ for pizza, ‘Levains’ for cookies) and saw the sights.
I LOVED New York and would definitely recommend it as a couples city break, especially at Christmas. It was magical.

Being reunited with my babies was so wonderful. They surprised us and met us at the airport. As we came out of the departure gate they came running towards us smiling and open armed. I missed them so much but it was so good for all of us to have this special break. They loved their adventures with Grandma and Grandad and we loved having precious time together and recharging our batteries.
I’m so blessed.

My little boy is starting school next September. I can hardly bear to utter those words. I cannot believe he will soon be old enough to go to school and leave me! I know he will love it, he has such a passion for learning new things, but selfishly I don’t want him to go. I am scared at the thought of other people having an influence over him as he feels so impressionable to me. He is so innocent, so completely trusting and naive in a way that I wish he could be forever.

I know children have to grow up, of course I do. I know that school is a wonderful place where children acquire not only academic skills but life skills and lessons. I want him to be independent and confident but it’s hard to think about trusting other people to take care of him. He is so happy and care free and I want him to be that way for as long as possible. Perhaps I feel like this more than some because I never liked school. I was bullied and had zero confidence and every day was pretty much an internal battle to keep it together. There were good days, or course, and I made some life long friends. My over all feeling about school though was dread and I really don’t want my children to feel that way.

So, whenever I talk about school with George we talk about how exciting it will be and what a wonderful place it is. I am not trying to be false but I want him to form his own opinions and have his own experiences, which I know he will if I let him.

Applying for schools these days is such a mine field in a way that it never was when I was growing up. You just all went to the closest school and that was that. Where I live now, there are so many good schools (I know, I am very lucky) which are all heavily oversubscribed. I know that wherever George ends up it will be a good school but I want him to have the best, as any parent does.                My husband is the voice of reason and reassures me that it will all be ok and that what we do in the home will make a huge difference to how he does at school. We will endeavour to be supportive parents who are always interested in what our children do at school and will help them whenever they need it.

I’m excited to listen to him telling me about all of the things he is learning about and to reassure him when he struggles. I’m excited to encourage him to be friends with the child that no one wants to be friends with. I’m excited to make him feel like he has the confidence to answer questions in class and not be afraid to be wrong. I’m excited to see him grow, even if at the same time my heart is breaking.

Gemma

This wasn’t your typical girls night. Oh no. We usually get together and go out for a meal and a good giggle so we decided to do something different (keeping the chat and the giggle of course).

Amy suggested that we have a lovely evening walk around the sights. A nice idea…but food had to be involved somehow, right? Julie came up with the genius idea of a tour of some yummy bakeries and we were all totally in.

We met at Green Park Station and headed to Burlington Arcade to ‘Laduree’ for some macaroons. It was so pretty and there were soooo many flavours to choose from. I chose caramel and banana and it literally melted in my mouth, it was so good.

From there we headed to Harrods, via Big Ben, and then to High Street Kensington for more and more cakes. We did a LOT of walking but it was really fun. Just to be in the city at night and enjoy doing some touristy stuff. I realised that I take where I live for granted a lot and it gave me a fresh appreciation for this amazing place.

Do you think that girls need girls? I certainly do and I really loved being with friends and letting my hair down a bit. Night time patisserie crawl highly recommended!

Gemma